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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23847721">Family Feud</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/helloitshaley/pseuds/helloitshaley'>helloitshaley</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Addams Family (TV 1964), The Munsters</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 20:35:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,276</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23847721</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/helloitshaley/pseuds/helloitshaley</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Every wonder what it would be like if the Addams and the Munsters were on Family Feud? Wonder no more, I am here to answer all those questions!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gomez Addams/Morticia Addams, Herman Munster/Lily Munster</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Family Feud</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Never did I think I would write about Steve Harvey so much. Sorry for the bit of swearing that comes up if that bothers you!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“It's time to play… Family Feud! Give it up for your host… Steeeeeve Harvey!!!!!”<br/>Steve jogs out onto the stage, smiling widely as he points to the audience. The man has no idea what he is in for as he begins his opening spiel. “Boy, have we got a good one for you today! We got two families tryin’ to win theyselves a whole lot of cash and the chance to drive out of here in a brand new car!” The host pauses for a moment as the audience applauds and he glances to the side, noticing for the first time the two families he had competing today. He shakes his head and continues on, thinking maybe the lighting was a bit wonky. “Let's meet our two families! From Mockingbird Heights, we have the Munsters!”<br/>The lights came up on the right side of the stage and the applause from the audience died down as the somewhat strange looking family waved at the audience and cameras. The camera cut to the host just in time to see the look of bewilderment on his face. <br/>“What the…” Remembering he was on camera, Steve smiled and turned toward the other side of the stage. “And from Cemetery Ridge, we have the Addams!”<br/>The left side of the stage lit up, revealing the other somewhat strange looking family. Steve glanced at the director positioned behind the camera man, who just shrugged in response. “I guess we’re taping our Halloween episode! I should’a dressed up! Anyway, let's get things started, give me Herman, give me… Mor… Morti… Mo’ticia?”<br/>Happily, Herman stomped over to the buzzer, smiling and waving at the audience as he went. Morticia shuffled over, not getting there nearly as quickly as her opponent due to how tight her dress was. There was also the fact that Herman was eight feet tall and it only took him a few steps to get anywhere.<br/>Steve grinned, looking at Morticia with slight amusement. “Well alright, miss thang, take ya time.” He turned away from Morticia, jumping slightly as he saw just how massive Herman actually was. “Damn! You are built!”<br/>“Yes!” Herman replied happily. “I am!”<br/>“By Dr. Frankenstine?” Steve asked, thinking he was making a joke.<br/>“Yes! How did you know?” Herman asked.<br/>Steve paused for a moment. “Just a hunch…”<br/>This made Herman laugh, which was so abrupt and loud that it made Steve take a step back.<br/>“Okay, well, I’m not getting on your bad side, no sir.” He shook his head, looking down at the card in his hand. “Alright we surveyed 100 people and we got the top four answers on the board. Where do kids these days like to spend most of their time?”<br/>Before Morticia could even hit her buzzer, Herman had slapped his hand down and subsequently smashed his half of the podium to the ground. Morticia’s eyes widened in shock as Steve’s jaw dropped open. <br/>Herman frowned, shaking his hands in agitation as he stepped away from the mess he made. “Oh… oopsie.”<br/>“My, isn’t he the strong one,” Morticia muttered.<br/>“Do I still get to answer?” Herman asked. “I hit the thingy before she did!”<br/>“Yeah you hit it alright,” Steve said in disbelief. “Go on, then, what's your answer? Might as well tell me while the crew fixes this mess.”<br/>“Ah, thank you,” Herman said smugly, tugging the lappells of his jacket. “Kids these days like to hang out in… the cemetery!”<br/>Steve stared at Herman for a long moment before shaking his head and turning toward the board. “Show me cemetery!”<br/>There was a loud beep as an X appeared over the board.<br/>“Oh, darn, darn, darn!” Herman said as he started to stomp, shaking the stage as he did so.<br/>“It's okay, it's okay!” Steve tried to say as he held tightly to what still remained of the podium. “It was just the first question! Mo’ticia, what's your answer?”<br/>“The swamp!” Morticia replied confidently.<br/>Steve’s eyebrows pulled together in confusion as he turned back to the board. “Show me swamp!”<br/>Another beep followed by a red X. <br/>“Shocking,” Steve muttered. “We’re going to go over to the Munster side. Lily, give me your answer.”<br/>Lily leaned closer to her mic, flicking her long hair over her shoulders. “Well, I’m going to say… the park!”<br/>“Thank you,” Steve sighed under his breath. “Show me park!” Park showed up at number four on the board. “Ya’ll gonna pass or play?”<br/>“Oh…” Herman trailed off, looking like it was a rather tough choice. “Well…” <br/>“Play, you moron!” Grandpa shouted.<br/>“We’re going to play!”<br/>Herman stomped back over to his family, clapping happily as he went. Steve shot a confused look to the audience as he followed behind.<br/>“Alright, Herman, tell me who you brought with you today,” Steve said, giving himself a good few feet distance between him and the Munsters.<br/>“Oh, alright, this is my wife Lily, then that old crank is my father in law the Count, our niece Marilyn, then lastly is our son Eddie.”<br/>Steve nodded, looking down the line of Munsters. “And this is just how y’all look?”<br/>Herman looked between Steve and his family. “If you mean exceptionally good looking, then yes!”<br/>“Alright… I’m gonna talk to your wife now. Lily, darlin’, tell me a little about yourself, what do you do?”<br/>Lily grinned, fluffing her gauzy white dress. “Well, I’m a stay at home mom. You could say I’m a bit of a homemaker.”<br/>“Yeah?” Steve asked. “I sho’ would like a tour of your house.”<br/>“Oh, come over any time!”<br/>“How's October 31st?”<br/>“Wonderful!”<br/>“Great,” Steve said slowly as he moved down the line. “Just great. Alright, we got the Count here!”<br/>“That's right,” Grandpa said happily, shaking Steve’s hand.<br/>“Is that it? It's just ‘The Count?’”<br/>“Well, I have many names. The Count looked better on the name tag than the others, we decided.”<br/>“Okay, Count, tell me, where do kids these days like to spend their time?”<br/>“Hmm.” Grandpa rubbed his gloved hands together as he thought. “Oh, I know! The lab!”<br/>“The lab?” Steve questioned.<br/>“Yes, that's right. The lab.”<br/>With wide eyes, Steve turned toward the board. “Show me lab!”<br/>A loud beep and X showed up on the board.<br/>“Well what kind of kids are you surveying?” Grandpa questioned indignantly. “That was a good answer!”<br/>“Okay, moving down to Marilyn.” Steve paused, looking at the only normal person in the Munster line up. He leaned over the podium to whisper to the pretty blonde. “You’re really related to them?”<br/>Marilyn nodded with a pleasant smile. “Yes, sir.”<br/>“Really?”<br/>Marilyn glanced over at Grandpa, looking somewhat confused. “Yes, Lily and Herman are my aunt and uncle.”<br/>“Well then, I ain’t gonna question it no further. One strike here, Marilyn. Where do kids these days hang out?”<br/>“The mall.”<br/>That answer, of course, was number one on the board. The crowd cheered as Steve moved down to Eddie, who’s response of attic earned their next strike. With caution, Steve moved back to Herman, putting even more space between them than before.<br/>Herman thought for a long time about his answer, scratching the flat top of his head. “The morgue?”<br/>“The morgue?” Steve responded in disbelief. “Man, what the fu- show me morgue!”<br/>When the X showed up, Steve instantly walked over to the Addams side of the stage. The family unfurled from their huddle, ready to give their answer. Steve sighed, looking down at his card. “Mo’ticia, tell me, where do kids like to hang out?”<br/>“The cave!” Mama squawked from her position down the line.<br/>“Infectious disease ward!” Fester yelled.<br/>“We are going to go with... the theater,” Morticia said, to which Gomez cheered loudly.<br/>“Show me theater!”<br/>It was number three on the board, making the Addams the winners of round one. <br/>Morticia turned to look at her family, her eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “I meant operating theater, not movie theater.”<br/>“Shh!” Gomez said, pushing his finger against her red lips. “They don’t need to know that!”<br/>“Yeah, Morticia!” Fester added. “Hush!”<br/>“Uncle Fester!” she gasped. “Since when are you so competitive?”<br/>“Since that old guy called me a creep backstage!” He pointed across the stage to where Grandpa was glaring at Fester with burning eyes. “He’s the creep! Why is he staring at me like that?”<br/>“Maybe he’s lonely,” Mama said offhandedly. <br/>“Okay, Mo’ticia, tell me who you have with you today!” Steve said, breaking them out of their private conversation.<br/>“I have my darling husband Gomez, our Uncle Fester, my mother in law, and then our lovely children Wednesday and Pugsley at the end.”<br/>“Who named y’all?” Steve muttered to himself. “Okay, I’m gonna talk to Gomez now. Man, I like your style.”<br/>Gomez smiled proudly, running a hand down the front of his pinstripe suit, which was only a shade off from being exactly the same as the host’s. “Thank you! I have a whole closet full of these! I wanted nothing but best suits!”<br/>Steve nodded happily. “I feel that, I feel that. And you’re rockin’ that mustache too.”<br/>“I was born with it!”<br/>“And you got yo’self a fine lookin’ wife, this man here has it made, I’ll tell ya!”<br/>Gomez reached over to grab Morticia’s hand. “I certainly am lucky. And on top of our two children down there, we have number three on the way!”<br/>Steve turned his attention back to Morticia, his eyes going wide. “I guess congratulations are in order. When did you find out, yesterday?” He gestured to Morticia’s stomach, which was as flat as ever.<br/>“Please,” she said, waving him off. “I’m about to burst.”<br/>“Any day now!” Gomez added.<br/>“You know a lot of pregnant women on the show like to get name tags for their babies, if you know what you’re going to call it,” Steve said, only slightly horrified by the prospect of these people having to name another person.<br/>“Can I get it in black?” she asked.<br/>“We already told them no to black name tags!” a PA called from the side of the stage.<br/>Steve shrugged. “Sorry. So, what’s the baby’s name?”<br/>“Well, we thought long and hard about it,” Morticia began.<br/>“We exhausted all the normal options,” Gomez added.<br/>“Until we settled on the perfect name. The name a child could live with.”<br/>“Pubert!”<br/>Steve shook his head in disbelief as he flinched away from the family. “I must have misheard y’all. Did you say Pubert?”<br/>Morticia nodded. “Yes, that's right.”<br/>Steve shook his head, a look of utter horror on his face. “No! You can’t do that to a baby,” he whispered. “Pubert?”<br/>Before anyone could respond, a PA rushed out to hand Morticia a name tag that read Pubert in big, yellow letters. She grimaced at the color before attaching it to her dress. Steve was still in shock as he backed away from the Addams.<br/>“We’re going to have to sensor that name tag, you know,” he said to the director. “This is a family show. Anyway, horrible names aside, it's time for round two. Give me Gomez, give me Lily!”<br/>The two amicably shook hands as Steve got himself situated behind the now reintact podium. “We surveyed 100 people, the top 6 answers on the board. Tell me, what is something your wife does to get you in the mood?”<br/>Before Lily could even so much as lift her hand, Gomez had jumped up and slapped his palm down hard on the buzzer. Luckily, the podium didn’t break, but it came close. “Speaks French!” he exclaimed as he continued hitting the buzzer over and over.<br/>“Jesus man… show me speaks French!”<br/>By some miracle, speaking another language was number 6 on the board.<br/>Steve turned to Lily, who was thoughtfully mulling over her answer. “Well, I know Herman likes it when I tighten his bolts.”<br/>Eddie visibly cringed from the end of their row. Steve raised an eyebrow. “Is that like a euphemism or something?”<br/>Lily shook her head, looking puzzled. “No. Sometimes the bolts in his neck come loose and he likes it when I twist them.”<br/>With a roll of his eyes, Steve said, “show me bolts!”<br/>That, unsurprisingly, got an X.<br/>“Addams, are you gonna… what the hell?” <br/>Gomez had gone back to their row and was passionately kissing his way up Morticia’s arm, oblivious to everything going on around them. Calmly, Morticia patted his cheek, trying to direct his attention elsewhere. “Later, darling. We’re in the middle of a game.”<br/>“Ah, yes,” he said, picking his head up like nothing happened. “We’re going to play, Steve.”<br/>“Great.” He walked over to Fester, who was waiting eagerly to answer the question. “I’m just gonna get right into it, Fester. Tell me, what can a woman do to get you in the mood?”<br/>“That's easy!” Fester declared. “Not press charges!”<br/>“Good answer!” Mama yelled over the silence that had fallen over the studio.<br/>Without saying anything, Steve shook his head and turned to the board. “That. Show me whatever the hell this man just said.”<br/>That answer got an X.<br/>Grandpa cackled loudly from the other side of the stage, which instantly set Fester on edge. “Why I oughta…”<br/>“Uncle Fester,” Morticia said in a warning tone.<br/>Fester pouted as Steve moved on to Mama. “Mrs. Addams, I beg of you, give me a normal answer. What can a woman do to get a man in the mood?”<br/>“Well, Steve,” Mama began as she fluffed up her white hair. “All I usually have to do is make them some of my yak fudge.”<br/>Steve nodded. “Okay, that's a somewhat normal response. Show me yak fudge!”<br/>There was a ding as bake/cook showed up at number 4 on the board.<br/>“Wow, y’all are still alive.” Steve moved down to where Wednesday and Pugsley were patiently waiting for their turn. He shook his head, hiding his face behind his cue card. “I can’t believe I have to ask children this question. Who let children on anyway? Don’t we have an age limit?”<br/>“That's okay,” Pugsley said. “We can answer.”<br/>“Have you met our parents?” Wednesday asked.<br/>Steve looked over to where Gomez and Morticia were locked in a sexually charged stare down. He nodded in consideration and turned back to the kids. “Good point. Alright, what's your answer?”<br/>Wednesday and Pugsley whispered to each other for a moment before Pugsley nodded. “Mr. Harvey, we’re going to say make animal noises.”<br/>“Ah, Tish,” Gomez gasped, pulling her close. “Do the bullfrog for me.”<br/>“Darling, not now. We’re on television.”<br/>Steve leaned in closer to the kids. “Blink three times if you need me to call children’s services.”<br/>They stared at him for an eerily long amount of time without blinking.<br/>“Alright then. Show me animal noises!”<br/>That was a big fat X.<br/>Morticia earned their last strike with her answer of strapping him to the rack, giving the Munsters the chance to steal. Herman was excitedly dancing in place as Steve walked over. He clapped his hands together before tapping the mic, which was not even anywhere close to his face.<br/>“Steve, we are going to say… reading a bedtime story!”<br/>“No!” Grandpa yelled. “You overheated idiot!”<br/>Without surprise, that answer wasn’t on the board, making the Addams winners once again. Now it was time for Fester and Grandpa to face off. They both refused to shake hands as they glared at each other menacingly from either side of the podium. Steve had now entered a constant state of confusion and was no longer questioning what the hell was going on around him. <br/>Their question was, what would you bring to a desert island? Fester rang in first, which sent Grandpa into a silent rage, but his answer of cattle prod was not on the board. However, neither was Grandpa’s answer of blood bags. Herman’s answer of comic books ended up saving them after Morticia said bat net, and the Munsters decided to play.<br/>However, Marilyn gave the only valid answer and they ended up striking out rather quickly. But it would seem that the Addams couldn’t come up with a winning answer, as they went with a bed of nails for their response, which made the Munsters the winners of that round.<br/>“That old windbag threw me off!” Fester shouted, pointing accusingly at Grandpa who was laughing maniacally. <br/>“You’re letting them get inside your head, old man!” Gomez said, patting Fester on the back. “Keep it a blank slate.”<br/>“Shouldn’t be hard,” Mama muttered.<br/>Across the way, Grandpa was grinning wildly as he rubbed his hands together. “I’m really messing with baldy over there!”<br/>“Grandpa, why are you being so mean to that man?” Marilyn asked.<br/>“Because he took the last shrimp off the snack table backstage!”<br/>“You don’t even like shrimp, Grandpa!” Lily exclaimed. “There's no reason we can’t all get along.”<br/>“Lily dear,” Grandpa said slowly, putting his arm around her. “It's called Family Feud for a reason. I’m starting the feud!”<br/>Lily defiantly crossed her arms. “I think they seem nice. And would you notice, Herman, how the wife is at the head of the row over there.”<br/>Herman looked sheepishly between his wife and the Addams before shrugging and saying, “I bring home the rhino bacon, I get to be at the head of the row!”<br/>“You wouldn’t even know how to cook rhino bacon,” Lily muttered under her breath.<br/>“Exactly.” Herman patted her on the head. “That's what you’re here for.”<br/>“I think that girl over there is pretty,” Eddie said dreamily, resting his chin in his hand as he looked over at Wednesday.<br/>Wednesday, however, was less impressed. She tugged on Pugsley’s arm before whispering in his ear. “Why is that boy staring at me?”<br/>“He’s trying to intimidate you!” Pugsley reached into his pocket and pulled out a switchblade. “Flash him a glimpse of this.”<br/>Wednesday flicked out the blade with one hand and with the other made a dragging motion across her neck. Eddie grinned in excitement and tugged on the sleeve of Marilyn’s dress. “Did you see that? I think she likes me too!”<br/>Steve returned from his extended water break and tried to feign excitement for the next round. “Give me Marilyn, give me Mama! Alright now, we surveyed 100 people, top five answers on the board. Tell me, what is your ideal house pet?”<br/>Mama gave the buzzer a whack and smugly answered. “The ideal pet, Steve, is an alligator.”<br/>“I swear, y’all are on crack. Crack cocaine, there ain’t no other explanation! Show me freaking alligator!”<br/>That got an X. But Marilyn’s answer of dog was number one. However, the Munsters struck out after dragon, wolf, and bat. Steve drug his feet over to the Addams side and leaned wearily against the podium.<br/>“Come on, Mo’ticia, please, for the love of God, give me an answer that doesn’t make me want to drink myself to sleep,” Steve pleaded. “Please.”<br/>Morticia smiled as she confidently said, “lion.”<br/>It was all Steve could do to keep from falling over. “God damn! Lion!”<br/>X!<br/>Morticia frowned and turned toward her family. “How could that not have been up there? We couldn’t ask for a pet better than Kitty.”<br/>“They probably surveyed a bunch of kooks,” Gomez said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “You really can’t trust just anybody off the street.”<br/>“No, mon cher, you can’t,” Morticia said with a shake of her head.<br/>Gomez’s eyes went wide. “Tish, that's French!” He grabbed her arm and started kissing his way up, oblivious to the fact that not only Steve, but the whole Munster family and studio audience was watching with confusion.<br/>Across the way, Lily jabbed her elbow into Herman’s side. “Why don’t you react like that when I speak French?”<br/>Herman shrugged, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. “Lily, you never speak French!”<br/>“Well maybe I’ll start!”<br/>“Y’all knock it off!” Steve yelled, clapping his hands together. “This is a family show!”<br/>Gomez lifted his head from Morticia’s shoulder to say, “how do you think our family got started in the first place?”<br/>“I think y’all crawled our of a nuclear spill that's how I think y’all got started!”<br/>“He isn’t far off,” Fester said.<br/>“Look,” Steve said, pointing to the director. “We need a better vetting process for these people. I can’t keep doing this. Look, I know I fucked up with Miss Universe, but I think I’ve apologized enough. I don’t deserve to be punished no more!”<br/>“Mother, he said fuck!” Pugsley loudly announced.<br/>“Mr. Harvey, there are children present,” Morticia said sternly, crossing her arms. “I must ask that you watch your language.”<br/>“Oh, oh I’m sorry,” Steve said sarcastically “My bad! Because cursing is so much worse for yo’ children than them watching yo’ husband snacking on yo’ arm every time you open your damn mouth!”<br/>Morticia glared at him for a moment before saying, “thank you.”<br/>Steve shook his head. “We have to do a tie breaker. And the tie breaker is going to be up to these kids. I need Eddie, I need Wednesday and Pugsley.”<br/>“Hi, Wednesday,” Eddie said shyly as they got up to the podium.<br/>Wednesday glared at him. “You aren’t going to throw me off my game.”<br/>“Oh, I wasn’t trying to, I was just-”<br/>“Don’t listen to him, Wednesday,” Pugsley warned. “This is all an act.”<br/>“It's not!” Eddie exclaimed. “I think you’re cute!”<br/>“Why are you insulting me?” Wednesday asked.<br/>“I’m not! I think you’re cute!”<br/>“Stop saying that!”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Because that's mean!”<br/>“Alright!” Steve cut in. “Top answer only. This is for the win, okay kids? Okay, here we go. What is considered the happiest color?”<br/>There was a long moment before anyone rang in. The first to answer was Eddie, who said black. And as a shock to both families, that was not the answer. It was then up to Wednesday and Pugsley.<br/>“I’ve got this,” Pugsley whispered to his sister. “Trust me.”<br/>“If you don’t get it, I’m going to stab you in your sleep!”<br/>“Pugsley?” Steve prompted.<br/>“Yellow!” <br/>“No!” Wednesday gasped, pinching her brother’s arm.<br/>“Show me yellow!”<br/>Everyone’s jaws dropped as yellow appeared as number one on the board. Steve just shrugged as he walked over to shake the Munster’s hands. “The Addams win. I honestly… I was hoping the Munsters would win. They may look freaky but they are marginally more normal than whatever the hell is goin’ on over there. Naming they kid Pubert. Horny ass husband don’t have no self control. That bald guy took a bite outta his name tag. Pretty sure there's a ticking noise comin’ from that pudgy kid. And what kinda ghetto ass name is Mo’ticia anyway?”<br/>“I’m waiting for you in the parking lot, baldie!” Grandpa yelled, pointing at Fester.<br/>Reacting quickly, Fester pulled a rifle out from under his coat. “I’m gonna shoot you in the back!”<br/>“Oh yeah?” Grandpa taunted. “Is that what you think?” He shot his hand out and Fester’s gun turned in on itself like a pretzel. “With what?”<br/>Fester tossed the gun behind him and slapped his hands down on the podium. “You owe me fifty bucks!”<br/>“You owe me a shrimp!”<br/>“Oh, you want shrimp, do ya?” Fester asked as he reached into his pockets. “Here, take the shrimp!” he started tossing handfuls of pungent shrimp toward Grandpa, who was trying to catch them before they hit the ground. “Enjoy your shrimp, you old weirdo!”<br/>“Oh, I’m not going to eat your pocket shrimp,” Grandpa said as he walked toward Fester. “I’m going to shove them up your ass!”<br/>“Security!” Steve called and Grandpa and Fester were promptly escorted off stage and to an unknown location.<br/>“Don’t you submit to the man, Fester!” Mama yelled as she ran off after them. “Resist, resist!”<br/>Herman shook his head. “That is your father, Lily. And we lost! We lost, we lost, we lost!” He started stomping, shaking the stage as he did so.<br/>“Herman, the cameras are still rolling!” Lily cried, trying to shove her husband backstage. “Would you stop pouting for five seconds?”<br/>“I’m not the embarrassing one! I’m not the one who got in a shrimp fight!”<br/>“How am I supposed to show my face at school again?” Eddie asked. “I’ll need to be homeschooled after this! Why can’t you guys be normal like the Addams?”<br/>“Those people, Edward, are not normal!” Herman declared, pointing over at Gomez and Morticia. “Look at his suit!”<br/>Since Herman was quite loud, Gomez and Morticia heard the remark from across the room. “What's wrong with his suit?” Morticia asked.<br/>“It's too purple!” Herman responded, waving his hands.<br/>“Gomez, darling, I think he’s trying to insult you,” Morticia said, gripping her husband’s arm.<br/>“Insult me?” Gomez asked before saying once again and much more loudly, “insult me? You, sir, are nothing but a sore loser! And not the good kind either!”<br/>“Oh yeah? Well your uncle steals shrimp!” Herman yelled back.<br/>“He is my wife’s uncle!”<br/>Herman turned to look at Lily, who was hiding her face in embarrassment. “Lily, give me an insult to throw back, I’m running out.”<br/>Lily’s eyes blazed with anger as she jabbed a finger into her husband’s chest. “I will not be a party to this nonsense! Now Herman Munster you march yourself right off this stage before I carry you off!”<br/>“But Lily-”<br/>“Ah! Don’t you but Lily me! March!”<br/>Herman pouted, shooting one last look toward the Addams. “Yes dear.”<br/>“You and Grandpa are both grounded for at least a month!” Lily said, still very livid.<br/>“But Lily, you know how much Grandpa likes that.”<br/>“I don’t mean I’m going to bury you in the backyard, you goof! I mean no more going out for walks in the cemetery, no more lab experiments, no more swimming trips to the sewer, and definitely no more taking Spot to the park!”<br/>Gomez and Morticia watched what was left of the Munster family walk off stage, shaking their heads with amusement. “Darling, I’m glad our family is so normal,” Morticia said, reaching out to pat his cheek.<br/>Steve, all the while, was standing mid stage, looking like he had gone through all the stages of grief as he watched those events transpire. He turned toward the audience with an apologetic look. “Y’all bought tickets for the wrong day. I cannot apologize enough, it ain’t normally like this. And it ain’t even over! We still gotta do fast money!” He turned back toward the Addams. “I’m guessing it's gonna be the two of you since the only other adults were escorted off stage.”<br/>“Querida, that's us!” Gomez said happily, putting his arm around Morticia as they walked to center stage.<br/>“I’m exhausted, let's just get this over with, one of you go backstage, one of you stay here,” Steve sighed.<br/>“I’ll go first, my darling!” Gomez said before kissing her cheek. “Since it's much harder for the first person.”<br/>“You’re so considerate,” Morticia said coyly.<br/>“Tish, when you compliment me, it sets my blood aflame!” Gomez cried, catching her arm before she could go backstage.<br/>“If you don’t let go of her arm right now I will have the two of you forcibly separated!” Steve cried, throwing his cue cards in the air.<br/>Morticia and Gomez both looked affronted by the outburst. Gomez shook his head as he released Morticia’s arm. “What is it about this show that makes people so testy?”<br/>“You!” Steve yelled.<br/>Gomez narrowed his eyes at Steve as he pulled a pre lit cigar from his pocket. “No, I don’t think that's it. It must be something else.”<br/>“A cigar?” Steve asked in disbelief.<br/>“Oh, how rude of me,” Gomez said before reaching back into his pocket to pull another one out. “Help yourself.”<br/>“You know what… I might as well this whole episode is already so goddamn weird.” He took a puff of cigar before going into the rules for fast money.<br/>“Sounds simple enough!” Gomez happily replied.<br/>“Alright, here we go, 20 seconds on the clock. What is a sport played with a ball?”<br/>“Water polo!”<br/>“Best place for a romantic date?”<br/>“Graveyard!”<br/>“What is a tool every handyman should have?”<br/>“Scythe!”<br/>“What is the most romantic holiday?”<br/>“Halloween!” <br/>“Fill in the blank. Fried what goes great with potatoes?”<br/>“Bats!”<br/>Steve shook his head as the round finished up, taking a long drag off the cigar. “Alright, let's tally them points up.”<br/>“I hope you have a calculator that can go big enough.”<br/>“Mr. Addams, I’m not even going to go through this process with you. You got a total of three points. That is shameful, to say the least. Go back over to your children and hope you haven’t disgraced them for life.”<br/>Gomez laughed as he walked over to Wednesday and Pugsley. “Mr. Harvey is a little confused, children. You see, three points is exactly what I was going for! We’ve got this in the bag!”	<br/>“You did wonderful, Father,” Wednesday said, reaching up to take his hand.<br/>“Thank you, Wednesday. You both did wonderful as well.”<br/>“Alright, alright,” Steve said to cut off the audience's applause as Morticia came out. “I just want this done. Ya husband got three points. I pray that you can do a little bit better than that, or else I will be seriously concerned. Are you ready?”<br/>“Well now you’ve made me nervous,” Morticia said, reaching up to tug on the end of her hair. “Three points is rather impressive.”<br/>“No!” Steve yelled, making Morticia flinch. “It's not impressive! It sucks! Alright, 25 seconds on the clock, here we go. What sport is played with a ball?”<br/>“Water polo,” Morticia answered, flinching again as the buzzer beeped at her.<br/>“That is unbelievable,” Steve muttered.<br/>“Um… croquette?”<br/>“Fine. Best place for a romantic date?”<br/>“The graveyard!”<br/>Steve slapped his palm against his forehead. “I swear to God. Try again.”<br/>Morticia frowned. “Alright… the crematorium.”<br/>“What is a tool that every handyman should have?”<br/>“A scythe.”<br/>“Come on!” Steve yelled, throwing his hands in the air along with the buzzer. “How is that possible? How? Try again!”<br/>“Fine, a hacksaw.”<br/>“What is the most romantic holiday?”<br/>“Halloween.”<br/>Steve nearly fell over as the buzzer rang. “Nope.”<br/>“Dia de los muertos.”<br/>“Lord almighty. Fill in the blank, fried what goes great with potatoes?”<br/>“Bats!”<br/>“No! No, no, no!”<br/>“Goodness. Fine. Zebra.”<br/>“Okay, I think it's safe to say that you got zero points. Meaning you have a grand total of three. This is normally the time when I would tell y’all that you’re coming back tomorrow, but I refuse to do this again. Take yo’ money and get the hell out of the studio!”<br/>“Money?” Morticia asked. “What money?”<br/>Steve looked at her with eyes so wide, Morticia was prepared to catch them if they fell out. “This whole game was to win money! That is the point of the show!”<br/>Morticia turned back to Gomez. “Darling, did you know about the money?”<br/>“No idea,” he said with a shrug. “That's the last thing we need.”<br/>“Can you give the money to the other family?” Morticia asked.<br/>“I will do whatever it takes to get y’all outta here! Just go, we’ll give the money to the Munsters, just leave!”<br/>“Ah, well, this was fun,” Morticia said as she walked back over to her family. “Now, let's go get Uncle Fester out of tv jail.”<br/>“Yay!”<br/>Steve looked at the camera in defeat. “We’ll see y’all next time.”</p>
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